This is an updated post.

I thank my lucky stars every day that I have a boy. When I am around little girls I feel a bit uncomfortable. Sometimes I think if I had a daughter my brand of crazy would be even more pronounced, and it would start to rub off on her.

11 Things i love about raising a boy

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Nothing beats little boy snuggles and hugs

I mean nothing. My son puts his whole body weight on you when he hugs. Tumbling to the ground in a fit of giggles is my reward for getting through the day. When this kid takes a running start it’s like being tackled by a Sumo wrestler.

Exercise is built into the routine

Between running up and down the steps with 30 pound baskets of laundry and fetching lost toys, I get upward of 10,000 steps a day. I prefer to think of these steps as a path to wellness rather than becoming a slave to my child.

Don’t you sometimes enjoy waiting on your children? I do. (Though I rarely admit this.)

Princesses are non-existent in my house

I don’t know the Disney Princesses names or the colors of their gowns. When we make our eventual pilgrimage to Disney World my trip concierge (With better executive functioning than my own.) will not be required to stay up until 3 a.m. securing tickets to the Princess Breakfast in the castle.

My son would probably prefer a buffet anyway. Particularly if there are donuts available.

Traveling IS so much easier

We no longer have to change diapers in rest stop bathrooms. I love that my son can go into a stall, pee and then back out without touching anything. And while I am on the subject of peeing in public I have to throw out porta-potties.

I dare you to teach a little girl to squat and not pee on her undies. I didn’t learn how to do that until college.

“It isn’t polite to touch your penis at dinner.”

Saying this is easy for me, it rolls off my tongue as if I learned it in finishing school. In fact I can talk about penises with a straight face in almost any context. That my friends is a skill that most 9th graders have yet to master.

I know because I used to teach 9th grade.

COOKING IS NOT ALWAYS NECESSARY

My son could subsist on a diet of the following foods: macaroni and cheese, chicken fingers, yogurt, cheerios, bananas, blueberries and almond milk. If I let him. Throwing some yogurt in a bowl is not frowned upon in this house. But I can tell you what is – gluten free, fat free, carb free.

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back to school shopping is easy

I no longer spend much money on E’s clothing because he destroys everything. I go to Kohls or some other store and buy 2 pairs of jeans, 2 pairs of khaki pants, grey pants, black pants – whatever colors appeal. Then I buy a bunch of t-shirts and long sleeved shirts.

Maybe throw in a couple hoodies and sweatshirts. Shopping = done. Shoes are a different story. And sports equipment.

MY GAG REFLEX is GREATLY DIMINISHED 

Stuff that used to make me cringe now seems like no big deal. I can clean up dog vomit, kid vomit, poop, pee and assorted unidentified substances. Without gagging or anything.

I once changed my son’s diaper when he had a stomach virus, and just as I lifted his legs to wipe his butt he literally sprayed poop on me. I mean in my face, my hair and all over my clothing. I had to pat myself on the back for remaining calm during a very trying few days of caring for a sick child.

Finding lost items is a pleasant surprise

I was vacuuming just this morning when I found a small grey sock. I wasn’t seeking this sock but when it appeared in the handle of my vacuum I thought, “well there you are!”. Can you sense my sarcasm, here?

I find all kinds of things in my vacuum – everything from Legos to hair clips to seashells.What’s even more fun is when I find things in my toilet. I’ll leave that one for you to ponder while you lay in bed at night.

POTTY HUMOR NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE

I live with my husband, my son and a male cat. Our dog is technically female but she hardly counts, as she has no maternal instinct.

I bet you didn’t know that there is a commercially available “Minion Fart Blaster” toy.   Well, such a product does exist. So I am endlessly regaled with the sound of farts.

As explained to me recently, “everyone has a fart blaster in their butt. But those aren’t as good as the real fart blaster.”  Such wisdom in such a small body.

If you are interested in purchasing one of these here is a link:

Acquiring new skills

Skills you never thought you would need. As I explained above, I find many things in my vacuum. I have learned that my vacuum can be taken apart into a startling number of pieces. I also learned how to use toast tongs to reach into the handle and retrieve socks.

I know how to use tweezers to get raisins out of an ear.

These are very valuable skills despite not being very marketable in a traditional job sense.

Bonus

Being mom to a boy has taught me so much about the mind of men. I get to see how little boy fantasies evolve into adult male humor. I get to teach my son about women. I have the opportunity to show him how to treat women and what respect means when it comes to the fairer sex.

When I first found out I was pregnant with a boy I was a bundle of worry. I was convinced he would inherit the ADHD gene from me. That he would go to school and fail his subjects and become a drop out, or a drug addict. Then his life would spiral downward and I would be a miserable failure as a parent.

These days I see that though I have likely given him my ADHD gene, I have also given him many gifts. One of which is an amazing male role model as his father. Now that I have my boy I couldn’t be happier. We are both learning as we go along. When things get crazy I just ask for one of those soul soothing little boy hugs.

It works every time!

-Liz