Here’s the first of my confessions of an ADHD housewife:
I don’t even like homemaking.
I get no satisfaction out of cooking, cleaning, organizing or decorating.
Culturally, we’ve put a lot of pressure on stay-at-home moms and homemakers.
If you don’t aspire to domestic bliss you aren’t a good woman.
Here are some stats for you.
In the year 2012 there were 10.4 million (29%) stay-at-home mothers in the US. This represents a large increase in the number of women staying in the home. The number also represents the reversal of a trend that began three decades earlier.
According to Pew Research homemakers represented only 23% of mothers in 1999. That means over a 13 year period of time the number of stay-at-home mothers rose by 6%.
I tried to be a full time SAHM. And I didn’t like it very much.
In fact I basically lost my sh-t for about eighteen months.
Growing up with a working mother, I had no understanding how much work a stay-at-home wife and mother really does.
Being a housewife is no joke. Most women have pretty high expectations for themselves. There is evidence of this on Pinterest – just search cleaning, parenting, or homemaking and see what comes up.
Whether you work outside the home, or inside the home, we are ALL working.
You might never be June Cleaver – but you will always be the CEO of your home.
Confessions of an ADHD Housewife
You are the CEO of your Home
Here is a concise description of what a CEO actually does. SOURCE
There is a reason I refer to myself as the CEO of my house.
There might be dust bunnies as big as my dog, but I’m the one who decides where my family is headed and how we are going to get there.
You determine the strategic plan for your home. You can make decisions about where the money goes, what everyone eats, and how to manage your
You do NOT need anyone’s permission except your own.
Can you imagine if men had to work, clean, feed everyone, decorate, organize, pay the bills, and then raise the children all on their own?
No, you can’t, because we don’t expect them to. But we routinely expect this from ourselves.
You set the tone
Ever heard the expression, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”?
Poor spelling aside – this expression is completely true.
Whether you realize it or not you do have the power to set the tone in your home.
When you are stressed, or up in your own head, that negative energy is absorbed by your family. Having ADHD can make this even worse.
This is why I always tell people to get support for themselves, first.
I don’t recommend things just because they’re trendy; self-care and mindfulness are important. Find white space in your days, take care of your body with healthy food and plenty of fluid.
accept what is
Every marriage has its struggles, just as every parent-child relationship does.
Life is not always a smooth ride and we get overwhelmed and irritable. Even the most qualified and experienced CEO has a bad day.
I’ve found that I feel much better when I accept what is.
My dog is a nuisance barker and no matter how much I dislike it, she will always bark. My son is argumentative and impulsive and sometimes downright mean.
My dog is who she is and so is my son. I have Boundaries in my relationships that help me to manage. But I don’t rail against reality anymore, I accept it.
Same with your ADHD. You might never be a great cook, and your house may never look like Restoration Hardware. It’s much healthier to accept your strengths with your struggles.
No anger. No feeling sorry for yourself. Acceptance is freeing!
live in reality
Living in denial is definitely not my thing. My house is a mess. Every day I look around and think, “I need to get control of my crap.”
The dust bunnies under my bed are as big as my dog.
And every day I’m so exhausted with writing, parenting and running The Enclave that I collapse at night.
I’d love to:
Organize paper clutter
Throw away junk/mail/assorted trash
Clean/organizing my child’s room
Wipe down my entire kitchen
Vacuum excess animal hair and dust bunnies
Clean my wood floors
Create a more user-friendly office space
Frame and display my son’s artwork
It’s easy to articulate all the “shoulds” in your life.
Does counting all the shoulds really help you in any way?
Be real with yourself. Imperfection is real, and you need to get comfortable with it.
Perfect is boring anyway.
know how to laugh
Laughter really is the best medicine. Particularly when you find a cup of urine in your shower.
Yes, this happened to me. No, I didn’t scream at my son. I wanted to scream but as soon as I pictured the conversation in my mind I started laughing. Now I wish I would have taken a picture to put in his baby book.
You know kids are funny. Marriage is funny. People are funny. Thank God! What would we do if we couldn’t laugh.
Life with ADHD is what you make of it.
I will be the first to tell you it is not a “gift”, but I can also tell you that it is a workable lifestyle. You will handle it.
do not compete
I love being a woman, but I do not love how we sometimes treat each other. There is a subtle but very damaging undercurrent of competition between many women.
I’ve experienced it as a stay-at-home mom and as a working mom.
Comparing ourselves to others never turns out well. I have compared my post-baby body to other women, my car, my home…even my child’s behavior. As Teddy Roosevelt said, “comparison is the thief of joy.”
Don’t compete with other moms. Stay in your own lane. And do not feel guilty if your family is not eating all organic all the time.
Even on your worst day, you are the CEO of your home.
With that said let me share some of my favorite websites for housewives. (ADHD or not.)
http://thatsinappropriate.com (not homemaking but hysterical)