One of my favorite people, and former guests, Jaclyn Paul stops by to discuss emotional Hyperfocus and ADHD moms. We just made the episode live on the HealthyADHD feed this morning.
Jaclyn and I had intended to discuss how we often take little missteps and build them up in our mind until they are a measure of our entire lives…but we went a teensy bit off our notes.
As always, the conversation is jam-packed with usable and relatable info, even if we didn’t stick to our agenda.
[buzzsprout episode=’2309756′ player=’true’]
Little things are big things to the ADHD brain
As you may have noticed in your own life, little things often become big thing to us.
You forget to bake cookies for school, and it means you are a terrible mother, a burden, and you should just go away because your children and partner will be better off without you.
We have a tendency to generalize, and look at things in very black and white ways. This is due to negative thinking and cognitive distortions which many of us suffer with.
Jaclyn points out that in fiction writing sometimes the smallest things mean everything, and this is very much in line with real life.
Hyperfocus is not a super power. It’s just not, and you will hear us discuss why we feel this way in pretty graphic detail and with animated examples.
I’ve never written much on time blindness, because I felt like I could not accurately describe it in a way people would understand. Jaclyn’s explanation of, “all roads lead to time blindness” is a good way to capture the negative thought spiral of emotional hyperfocus.
We with ADHD are simply not able to think outside of right now. When some little thing triggers us we cannot SEE that this is happening right now, and tomorrow is a new day. We are stuck in the now and totally unable to conceptualize that this too shall pass.
Habits make our life work
We also discuss how small, sustainable habits are the key to actually getting things done. And that if your habits need tweaking that doesn’t mean you have failed. It means you have to practice your mental flexibility and keep going.
The broken down car analogy:
If something on your car is not working properly, you take it to be repaired. You aren’t ashamed about this, it’s a machine that needs a repair.
Looking at your home and your routines the same way is very helpful, because it separates the emotional charge, from the actual task of repairing it. Creating some objectivity is very important for us, otherwise we spiral very quickly or we simply give up.
We also agree that writing and/or journaling is the best way to begin processing emotions.
I wrote an article ages ago about journaling.
At the end we delve into the murky waters of women’s hormones and ADHD. Neither of us feel that we are experts on the topic but we do drop some information that will be useful if you are currently nursing, pregnant, or perimenopausal.
Emotional hyperfocus is a real thing, but you can work on it. It doesn’t have to ruin your life and relationships.
As always I think this is more fun to listen to, so use the link about to do that.
If you enjoy these types of conversations with women, I encourage you to Join me in the Enclave.
I am proud of it and the work we are doing.
You don’t need to spend thousands to get help.
Email me at HealthyADHD@gmail.com if you want to suggest a topic for me to research or a person for me to interview.