Finding Your ADHD blind spots is difficult because the very nature of the condition creates the barriers.
For example, I have this weird sort of visceral reaction to receiving help or support.
When the Hubs offers to help me make scrambled eggs, I immediately think, “I know how to scramble eggs asshole!” But do I?
Every time I try they get stuck to the pan and burned in spots, and I make a giant mess dropping bits of egg into the stovetop grates. Clearly I don’t know how to make scrambled eggs without burning them, but when he offers assistance I get heated.
I’ve seen a similar reaction in other people with ADHD when their perceptions are challenged, or someone offers assistance. Some of us get reactive or feel a sudden burst of shame.
Finding your adhd blind spots
That ragey reaction in my head is my “tell.” Like in poker. Except I don’t know how to play poker any better than I know how to scramble eggs.
Descriptive language is a great shortcut to helping coaching clients, too. Whenever somebody tells me their life is a shit show, their life is NOT a shit show.
9/10 their shit show amounts to some unfinished laundry, and a feeling** that they aren’t doing enough, or they aren’t enough.
ADHD women always think they are too much or not enough.
This is not a shit show. It’s the – If You Think You Know What The Problem Is You Probably Don’t – law of the universe.
This is the blind spot we all share.
It’s much easier to look at the symptoms and struggles of ADHD, the obvious stuff that’s easy to talk about because there are memes and TikTok videos to help you explain it.
It’s more difficult to do a deep dive into untangling the YOU from the ADHD.
If that makes you uncomfortable, I’m glad.
“Have you tried this new app/strategy/reminder/planner system?“
Your brain screams OF COURSE I HAVE TRIED THAT!
That’s your “tell”…
…That inner voice so frustrated with outside advice that doesn’t work but also desperate so you’ll try it anyway.
You can be taught and adopt all the strategies that work for others. You can download apps, and set up reminders, and put sticky notes all over your house. You can pay for, “accountability” if you want.
It all feels really productive, and each new strategy feels like it might be the THING that changes your life for the better.
But no app, or planner, or system (or TikTok video) is going to show you your blind spots.
It’s impossible to spot your blindspots without uncomfortable levels of self-awareness coupled with a safe space to learn. Don’t misunderstand me, there is a place for strategies and trying new apps.
But it’s easier to point fingers and say “it didn’t work,” than it is to consider, “Maybe my perception of the problem was off?”
Maybe I was trying to solve the wrong problem, or I was trying to apply a bandaid to a problem that requires open heart (emotionally) surgery.
Perhaps you hold on to the belief that what you produce is a measure of who you are, and so you never feel like you are doing enough. See my article on productivity shame for more on this.
Whatever you think are your issues, are probably NOT your real blind spots. They’re just scratching the surface.
Finding your blind spots
Spotting your blindspots (even when you have a “tell”) is difficult, but the good news is, those blindspots stand out like a giant zit when you move from talking about symptoms to talking about what makes you, YOU.
Trust me when I say, ADHD is just a part of you. Sure it’s an important part, but it’s just one part of a much larger picture.
I like to think of people as works of art.
As with a painting – there are things in the foreground that are very noticeable, there are details in the background that also catch your eye, and there are also a myriad of smaller fine points. What makes it beautiful is all of it together.
When you talk about your beliefs, values, and patterns it forces you to confront why things happen the way they do. And why you might react the way you do.
Sometimes you discover that something you thought was a struggle, is actually just the flip side of some strength you hadn’t noticed. And all the stuff that feels hard, feels that way because you’re doing it right.
Nothing has gone wrong. Not with you or your brain or your life.
Coaching your ADHD blind spots
I share ah-ha’s from my ADHD journey all the time in my emails. And I’d love to hear some of your stories of perfectionism, overworking, ADHD, productivity, and parenthood.
If you’re in that place where you’re doing everything right, watching all the videos and using all the apps, but nothing is working…I’d love to coach you through your blind spots.
I like to coach you, not the ADHD specifically. Because really, you are what matters, not the label.
Even with coaching finding your ADHD blind spots is hard work. If you’re dealing with questions of trauma and personal history, always check in with a licensed professional. Coaching is not a substitute for mental health treatment.
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If you’re more into a a thoughtful community of support, check out the ADHD Enclave.