Girls and women with ADHD are getting more press than ever before.
There have been some really good articles written, all of which I have pinned.
Women with ADHD are getting some serious street cred.
Check out my post on Wonderful Website for Women with ADHD.
Even with all of this new-found acknowledgement, moms with ADHD don’t get much support. You and I can change that together.
8 things all moms with ADHD understand
Most women and mothers feel overwhelmed at some point in their lives. But for those of us struggling with ADHD every day, overwhelm is a constant companion. No matter how hard we try we can never get on top of everything.
Parenting effectively seems impossible. Sorting through mail and paperwork is daunting. Even talking on the phone can seem like a chore. Taking care of a home and a family while building a business is a major challenge for me.
We are chronically overwhelmed. See my post on The disease of busy.
This is going to sound totally crazy but I have always had what I call “spidey senses.” When it comes to meeting new people I can almost always get a read on them. And my first impression is correct 99% of the time. Other ADHD women have confirmed that they too experience this.
It seems that we make up for our lack of self-regulation by reading between the lines and noticing details that others do not. We can read body language and voice intonation. Many women with ADHD are also empaths – meaning they can literally feel the emotions of other people.
All moms have some level of mommy guilt. But when you have ADHD the actual act of parenting takes on a whole different meaning. So many people think** ADHD is caused by poor parenting that you feel like you have to do a better job just to compensate for your own diagnosis.
The organizational skills required to raise children are enormous. You will use every single one of your executive functions. Sometimes you will function well, other times not so much.
No matter how hard we try, we still feel guilty. For having ADHD, for passing on the ADHD genes, and probably for things that haven’t even happened yet.
Not that men can never be forgetful. But it seems like something happens to our brains as we go through puberty and then have children. Estrogen is actually helpful when it comes to ADHD – see my article on women’s hormones and ADHD.
I swear I cannot leave the house without forgetting something. My snack, my sons backpack…whatever. It is always something.
At least once per week I forget where I put down my phone and cannot find it. I once ran around my fitness center in a panic for 20 minutes thinking I lost my phone. Turns out I never grabbed it when I left the house.
We lose years of our lives backtracking for forgotten items. (or people.)
Being Socially Awkward
Maybe it’s just me, but I have the hardest time joining a conversation that is already underway. Introducing myself to new people is painful.
If you happen to be an introvert like me, too much social interaction is exhausting. It’s hard work to be social and pretend I care about other people’s conversations. For me to really participate I have to feel comfortable. And that rarely happens.
I can’t even talk about this website without being awkward. No prepared elevator pitch here, just me being awkward trying to describe my writing.
Gonna get super honest here. I am really jealous of the non-ADHD mommies out there. Actually, I am jealous of the non-ADHD women in general.
If I could keep my house clean and decluttered while providing educational activities to my child all day I would. But I can’t. Some women can, and they look fabulous while they do it.
I am totally jealous. Not afraid to admit it.
Being Perceived as Lazy
One of my biggest fears is that the people close to me will start to think I am some kind of loser. I have two degrees I don’t use. Up to this point in my life everyone has been supportive.
But I need to have a real, big girl career. I need to make enough money that if my husband were to become disabled we could survive on my income. Trust me, I’m working my butt off every day even if the general public cannot see it.
Working from home, people often assume I have all the time in the world to volunteer or chat. When I tell them I am unavailable I have no idea how it is perceived, but I think*** sometimes people see it as laziness.
Because of my hormones and my ADHD status I can have some errrrr… mood swings. If you don’t know what I mean, email the Hubs, he will fill you in.
In the course of two hours I can go from content, to stressed out and then back to calm and rational. My mood swings happen mostly under stress at work, but I also get a little whacky at home sometimes.
Lately I have been trying to practice mindfulness more often. Just 5 minutes of guided meditation really helps.
For so long ADHD was thought of as a condition that only affected little boys. Recently there has been more awareness of the fact that there are women and girls with ADHD.
I hope this continues.
In the meantime I am creating a private membership community for ADHD women and mothers. It’s called the ADHD Enclave. Here’s how it works:
I show up 4 times per week, Mon-Thurs to host group meetings and hold the space
Through 4 weekly meetings we create structure and predictability in our schedule
We talk about all of the hard things, and we support each other
We body-double, and enjoy the satisfaction of getting things done (together)
I create weekly exclusive content***, inspirational or thought-provoking
We have a monthly ADHD Mastermind or special guest
We post to each other on our convenient, free app
The first month is always free!